Another day, another struggle. Since I've been diagnosed with the BPD I haven't been working. I finally found a good place in myself so I won't get offended anymore when peeps ask me why I don't work. I am no longer ashamed to tell peeps why I can't join them for a holiday, party or even going out to dinner. I am blessed to have been raised by a mother and grandmother who both have known what it was like to be poor. Hell, they weren't even poor, they were po... Couldn't even afford the OR hahaha.
They both tought me how to make a meal with just an union, egg, and sum rice. I can make food from nothing and peeps wouldn't even notice it. They educated me in how to care for myself, mend my clothes and save money in the little things. How to grow my own herbs and veggies, fix my own bike and drill my own holes.
So when the UWV is bugging me again by cutting of my money it hurts, it really hurts. Cause I've been working since I was 17 and always paid my own way and now that I need the goverments help the let me down, over and over again.
It's easy for me to throw a fit, go into that dark place inside of me again and start punishing myself for things I don't control or understand. But I don't want to go there anymore. I don't want anymore scars. I've been hurt enough, I don't wanna let it get me down and if that means I have to eat less and write more to hold on to that peacefull innerplace than by God I will.
I wanna move on with this journey called life. It's a gift I know, and I also know mine was damaged during shipment but hey, there are ways to fix things and I'm working on it.
I don't wanna let it get me down.
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